Need sex. Gaining weight.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
