we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
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