She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
