i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
