Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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