I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
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