the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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