apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
