This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
