put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
