That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
