But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
