Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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