whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
