so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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