I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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