the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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