some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
