So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
