I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
