I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
