He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
