sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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