break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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