Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Randomize
