My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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