I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
