Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
