HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
