I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
smell my finger.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
