Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
and she was petting her beer can
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
