It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
