Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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