i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
