She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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