I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I am spending my child support on dildos
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I have aggressive nipples.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
