i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
