when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
