I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
