You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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