if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
