It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
