I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
