I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
