Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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