Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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