nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
