I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
