Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Randomize
