remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
