Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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