Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
My feet surprised me
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