Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Houston, we have a squirter
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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