I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Just cropdusted the office
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
