Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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