boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
