i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
